Breaking News! Orindan Pioneers Mobile Guessing Service
Ms. Pattons van along with her flock of emotional support chickens.
Orinda, CA: Carolyn Patton is revolutionizing the way locals tackle life's perplexing choices with her groundbreaking Mobile Guessin Service. This novel service delivers bespoke predictions to your doorstep, promising to take the guesswork out of binary decisions.
Carolyn, an accredited professional in the art of guessing, offers a unique business model where she visits clients' homes to provide educated guesses on topics of their choosing. Her services are meticulously structured, offering a standard package with 60% accuracy and a platinum package that boasts a remarkable 75% accuracy. However, clients must settle for a single guess per visit, as Carolyn's policy prohibits revisiting topics to ensure the integrity of her predictions.
For a flat fee of $75, clients can receive a standard guess, while those seeking higher accuracy can opt for the platinum guess at $150. Carolyn's visits come with specific requirements: a comfortable chair for her to sit in, a plate of Little Debbie Snack Cakes, and cash payment in advance. Additionally, clients are expected to accommodate her mobile lifestyle by allowing her to park her van in their driveway and connect to their utilities.
Patton's service is tailored to questions with two possible answers provided by the client, ensuring that all guesses are within the bounds of her accreditation, which strictly forbids open-ended guessing. Notably, there are topics she steers clear of, including predicting the sex and temperament of unborn pets, any sports-related queries, and the whereabouts of lost Air Pods.
Living out of her van, Carolyn is a guessing expert and a self-sufficient nomad who travels with a flock of chickens, providing her with a constant supply of fresh eggs. Clients are advised not to request any interaction with the chickens, such as cuddling or asking for eggs, respecting her personal and professional boundaries. “These are emotional support chickens. Just because they are not wearing a green vest with a warning on it does not give people the right to pat them without permission",” stated Carol in an interview with the LocalTattler.
Artist Concept of what one of Carol’s emotional support chickens would look like if it wore a vest
Carolyn's service doesn't operate on Wednesdays, Sundays, or during Red Flag days. Those interested in her guessing prowess should refrain from leaving voicemails; she prefers communication via short texts. Please do not attempt to flag her down if you see her on the road; she provides her service on an appointment-only basis.
Carolyn Patton's Mobile Guessin Service is a unique and valuable addition to the Orinda community. Whether it's for amusement or genuine decision-making help, her service adds a touch of mystery and a lot of personality to the local scene, making it a must-try for those seeking a fresh perspective on life's choices.
Conflict Disclosure: The LocalTattler has a business relationship with Carol’s Mobile Guessin Service. This article was published for one dozen eggs and two future guesses.