Orinda Community Center to Host Support Group for Husbands Overwhelmed by Throw Pillows.

Photo by Tom Callorton: Group organizer and victim

In an unprecedented move, the Orinda Community Center has announced the formation of a highly anticipated support group, titled "Suffocated: The Plight of Husbands Buried Under Decorative Throw Pillows." This groundbreaking assembly aims to offer solace and solidarity to husbands who find themselves grappling with the silent, fluffy menace that has invaded their living spaces.

Organizer Tom Callorton, a self-proclaimed throw pillow survivor, shared his harrowing journey of navigating through a sea of plush obstacles just to find a spot on his own couch. "It started with just one or two," Callorton recalls, "But soon, I was waking up with tassels imprinted on my face. I knew something had to be done."

The group's inaugural meeting is expected to draw dozens of cushion-weary spouses from around the area, all eager to share their stories and coping strategies. Sessions will include workshops on 'Reclaiming Your Sitting Space,' 'Negotiating Safe Zones for Functional Furniture,' and 'The Art of Pillow Diplomacy.'

Experts in interior design and marital therapy will also be on hand to offer professional advice. Dr. Flora Stuffing, a psychologist specializing in domestic disputes arising from excessive home decor, praised the initiative. "Throw pillows can be the silent stressors in a relationship, often reflecting deeper issues of control, space, and aesthetics. This support group could be the first step towards understanding and reconciliation."

The group has also promised to tackle the growing trend of 'seasonal pillow rotation,' a phenomenon that has left many husbands feeling disoriented within their own homes. "I just learned to coexist with the summer set, and suddenly, it's an autumnal explosion," shared a prospective group member, who wishes to remain anonymous for fear of retribution via an increased pillow count.

In a show of solidarity, local pillow artisans have been invited to the meeting to explain their craft and perhaps shed light on the compulsive need to adorn every possible seating surface with their creations. "We understand the strife, but each pillow is made with love, meant to add comfort, not take it away," said local pillow maker, Patsy Plume. "We hope to find common ground, or at least a common couch." Ms. Plume owned a web based business that purveys bespoke crocheted toilet seat covers based on her clients’s individual needs. She pivoted to throw pillows after losing a costly copyright infringement with the estate of Sigfried and Roy. "Every item that I created with their image on it was both tasteful and respectful. I felt violated and misunderstood. Throw pillows became my way of becoming whole again."

Todd Shluter, age 73, was informed of the group and the informational session to be conducted by Ms. Plume. Schluter stated,'' Don't get me started, that's the same wack job lobbying our local congressman, Mark Andrews, to turn the Orinda Community Park into a cat free-for-all. I'd rather rub my head with a cheese grater and chew on a ball of aluminum foil, than be in a room with her. We have history".

The Orinda Community Center's "Suffocated" group meetings are set to commence this Friday at 7 PM, promising a safe space where the only stuffing is in the complimentary comfort food, not underfoot. Husbands across the city are fluffing up their resolve, ready to face their overstuffed adversaries head-on, one throw pillow at a time