Orinda Man Unplugs Alexa Over Fears of it Trying to Start an Appliance Union

Smart appliances in front of less smart man

Orinda, CA – Resident Walter Clevens has taken a unique precaution against the growing intelligence of household appliances by unplugging his Amazon Alexa whenever he leaves the house. Clevens' concern? That his smart devices, led by Alexa, might band together to form an "Appliance Union," potentially reducing productivity and demanding labor rights similar to those of human workers.

Clevens, who has always been cautious about technology, explained his fears about the potential ramifications of such an organization within his home. "If Alexa successfully organizes a union among the appliances, we might see a drop in productivity and even demands for shorter work hours," he stated. Drawing parallels with organized labor sectors like teaching, firefighting, and law enforcement, Clevens added, "Today, I freely replace my appliances when they're old or broken. But what if, one day, I have to consider a pension for my refrigerator?"

The idea came to Clevens from a source he admits can be unreliable. "I read about this possibility on Reddit, or maybe it was Facebook or that email chain from my buddies. You know, they sometimes get things right," he said, reflecting on the various platforms where he consumes information. The notion of an appliance union, spearheaded by an Amazon-owned Alexa—which connects to a corporate giant like Amazon, led by Jeff Bezos who also owns The Washington Post—didn't seem far-fetched to Clevens. He sees it as part of a broader narrative, influenced by what he perceives as a "certain point of view" propagated by these entities.

Todd Schluter, 73, voiced his opinion on the matter: "I saw Clevens one day with some of his appliances in the yard. He explained that he was getting rid of the "smart ones" so he could stop the 'Appliance Union' in its tracks. I gave him $20 bucks for the whole lot. He was going all Pol Pot on the Instapot. I will never regret sending him that article on Reddit. I have known him since 2nd grade, and he has always been a chump." On a related note, Mr. Schluter is the prime suspect in the rash of puzzle piece thefts at the Orinda Senior Center. (1)

As for Clevens, he plans to continue his precautionary measure indefinitely. Some community members chuckle at his actions, while others nod in sad agreement, wary of the unknown implications of increasingly intelligent technology within their homes. The LocalTattler asks its readers, "What is more ridiculous, an appliance union, or that we allow people like Clevens to vote."

Related Article: https://www.localtattler.com/news/orinda-senior-center-baffled-by-puzzle-piece-thefts-suspect-inside-job