Orinda Police Identify Potential Exchange Items for Miramonte Student’s Release

Orinda, CA – In a continued effort to secure the release of Miramonte High School student Christopher Daltman, who is currently held in Russia, the Orinda Police Department has compiled a list of items that might be acceptable to the Russian government as part of a trade. The Orinda Police Department finds itself in this situation because they unknowingly lost one of the critical items Russia wanted to trade for Miramonte's Chris Daltman. "When we found out we had accidentally checked out the Golden Girls Box set to someone in the community, it triggered two great ideas: one, quit letting the community check out items from the evidence locker, and two, find something in the evidence locker that the Russians would like better," stated Clifford Hickorson, Senior Director of the Orinda Crime lab.

Senior Director Hickerson and his team in the Orinda Crime Lab developed a list that was drawn up after thorough discussions and reviews of items currently in police possession that could be of interest to Russian authorities. Among the items identified are a Vespa scooter, 2 pounds of illegally grown marijuana from the 1990s, a Pontiac Aztek SUV involved in a drug arrest, and a mink coat with removable bloodstains.

"The selection of these items was strategic, focusing on objects that carry enough intrigue or value without compromising our national ethics or security," explained Detective Sarah Lopez of the Orinda Police Department. "We believe these items present a feasible and reasonable alternative to more extreme suggestions, such as trading national territories."

The State Department has expressed its approval of the proposed items, particularly highlighting the practicality of trading a Vespa and a mink coat over more significant assets like the country of Estonia. The latter was a controversial idea briefly floated by former President Trump, which faced widespread criticism and disbelief.

Local reactions to the proposed trade items have been mixed. Some community members appreciate the creative approach and the efforts to maintain diplomatic decency, while others are skeptical about the potential success of such an unconventional negotiation tactic.

"We understand the complexity of international negotiations, especially when they involve the welfare of a citizen," said a State Department spokesperson. The items proposed by the Orinda Police are being considered seriously as part of our broader strategy to ensure Christopher's safe return."

As the negotiations progress, the community remains hopeful that these efforts will lead to a successful resolution. Meanwhile, Christopher Daltman's family continues to receive support from local residents and officials, who are united in their desire to see him return home safely.

"Every option on the table helps," said Christopher's father, Clive Daltman. We just want our boy back, and if a scooter and a mink coat can help make that happen, we're all for it."

The situation remains fluid, and officials are cautious but optimistic that their unconventional approach might just pave the way for Christopher's return to Orinda.