From Orinda to Olympic Glory: Carol Flowers Tackles Full Contact Synchronized Swimming
Actual picture shared with focus groups in the evaluation of the commercial viability of Full-contact Synchronized Swimming.
Orinda, CA—In an exciting turn of events, Carol Flowers, a resident of Orinda, has announced her plans to begin training for a new sport set to debut at the 2028 Los Angeles Summer Olympics: Full-Contact Synchronized Swimming. This innovative and controversial sport blends elements from various Olympic disciplines, combining the music of beach volleyball, the synchronization of synchronized diving, and the intensity of mixed martial arts.
A New Sport for a New Era
The sport was conceived by Mark Burnett, the producer behind reality TV hits such as "Survivor" and "The Apprentice" with the help of Microsoft Copilot. "We asked AI what would be a sport that would engage a broad set of age groups with diverse interests, and this is what we got," said Burnett. A "Powered by Microsoft AI" will be prominently displayed, as well as any video that is broadcast of the events. " Each athlete can sell off 40% of their exposed skin coverage to advertisers for tasteful product placement tattoos," stated Burnett. (1)
The sport will make its Olympic debut in Los Angeles in 2028, promising to bring a new level of excitement and spectacle to the Games. "This has LA written all over it," commented Mike Turico of NBC Sports.
The Rules and Structure
Full-contact synchronized Swimming teams will consist of 10 members each. To qualify, athletes must have a minimum of 750,000 Instagram followers and an active TikTok channel. The athletes must live together in a house, where they are taught the rules of the game and train in a "forever pool" in a tropical setting.
The athletes are encouraged to date each other and tweet about their likes and dislikes regarding their teammates. This manufactured conflict adds a layer of difficulty to the synchronization required in the sport.
Teams are trained in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, learning a series of moves that must be executed in perfect synchronization while attacking the opposing team. Points are awarded for synchronization, with additional scores based on the television audience's rating of the athletes' relative "hotness."
The Reality TV Twist
This sport is as much about entertainment as it is about athleticism. In focus interviews, researchers found that few people are interested in watching most Olympic athletes in their training and living environments. Full-contact Synchronized Swimming flips that on its head.
A group of experienced reality TV producers handles the selection of teammates, ensuring that each athlete has an exciting life story with "a little bit of spice." The athletes live and train together for a year in the same house, with every minute of their lives live-streamed on a robust mobile platform provided in partnership with Verizon.
The Elimination Process
The team starts with a roster of 20 athletes, gradually weeding out each month by a team of advertising executives based on their potential to endorse products and services. To ensure the sport is inclusive, water wings and foam noodles are provided to less skilled swimmers, ensuring that "athletic ability" does not get in the way of competing.
Carol Flowers' Journey
Carol Flowers, excited to be part of this groundbreaking new sport, is preparing for the intense training regimen and the unique challenges. "It's not just about being an athlete anymore; it's about being a brand, a personality. I'm ready to take on the challenge and show the world what Full Contact Synchronized Swimming is all about," said Flowers.
Burnett and his team have been asked by the International Olympic Committee to review other sports and suggest ways to make them more engaging, with an initial focus on pool sports. “We have a lot of ideas, like.. what about water polo but on Jet Skis with jousting staff? It’s like Bay watch meets Game of Thrones,” stated Burnet.
As the 2028 Olympics draw nearer, the world will be watching to see how this new sport unfolds. For now, Orinda is proud to have one of its own on the path to becoming an Olympic pioneer.
Footnote:
1) Coverage of this event will be included in a premium package offered on Peacock.