Miramonte's Christopher Daltman Named Grand Marshal of Orinda’s 4th July Parade, Amid Congressman's Delay
Artist Concept: The Dog was supposed to be in the spacesuit. The person works for free so we can’t fire them.
Orinda, CA – In an update to our earlier announcement, this year's Orinda parade will see high school senior Christopher Daltman as its grand marshal, replacing Congressman Mark Andrews who is currently delayed in Djibouti due to complications from the Serdar, Turkmenistan sister city debacle. The delegation, including Andrews, was held and stripped of their possessions, leading to an unexpected stay at a U.S. base in Djibouti for medical treatment after Andrews developed a burlap allergy.
Daltman, who recently returned from Russia after an accidental border crossing during a chainsaw carving contest, will ride in a vintage PT Cruiser convertible alongside Bud Melman, owner of Eternal Memories. Spartacus, a taxidermied basset hound in a space suit, will symbolize Eternal Memories' new service of sending pets into orbit and will accompany Daltman and Melman for the entire parade length. (1)
The choice of Daltman as grand marshal has sparked mixed reactions within the community. Some residents question his suitability, referencing his past as a juvenile delinquent and his accidental foray into Russia that triggered an international incident. However, one supporter quipped, 'How many other communities have a high schooler wander into Russia and trigger an international incident?' This unique aspect of Daltman's story adds an intriguing layer to the parade.
Others proposed delaying the parade to July 7th to accommodate Congressman Andrews' return. However, someone determined it would be too challenging to fit Andrews in the same PT cruiser as Daltman, Bud Melman, and Sparticus, the taxidermied basset hound. "We tried several seating scenarios, but there was no way to fit that many individuals in the PT Cruiser safely. Later, after making the decision, someone asked, "Why not get a bigger car?”: but seating arrangements had already been agreed to, and the committee felt there was no time for an impromptu meeting to agree to such a change
Despite the controversies and logistical challenges, the parade will go as planned, promising a memorable event filled with resilience, community spirit, and a touch of the extraordinary.
1) Spartacus is dead, so no one should be worried about him getting too hot in the space suit.
2) Some thought Melman should be the grand master, but it is not clear that his business, Eternal Memories, would be successful, and many felt he was not "Grandmaster material."
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