Orinda Man Claims PG&E Tree Crews are Undercover UN Troops
Source: Image that Todd Schluter Found on the Internet, “so it must be true”
Orinda, CA – In a bizarre turn of events, Todd Schluter,age 76,has raised suspicions that the PG&E tree trimming crews working in his neighborhood might actually be undercover United Nations troops sent to disarm Americans. Schluter claims to have observed what he describes as suspicious activities that corroborate his theory, including the crew's choice of lunch.
According to Schluter, one of the crew members was eating a sandwich with a soft cheese spread, which he believes to be a telltale sign of French origins—a detail that aligns with his theory about the UN using troops from France known for their soft cheese consumption. "Everyone knows that the UN's got these plans, and who else would eat that kind of food but the French?" Schluter stated, drawing a connection to rumors he's read online about potential UN interventions in the United States.
Schluter also finds the timing of the tree trimming—coinciding with an election year—to be more than a coincidence. He views it as a calculated move to disrupt American sovereignty and has started to take measures into his own hands. In protest, Schluter has been playing patriotic songs and country music loudly on speakers he borrowed from his nephew. The songs chosen are specifically those that lament current events in America, which he believes resonate with his cause.
In preparation for what he calls "the inevitable conflict," Schluter has begun stockpiling supplies, including batteries, toilet paper, Slim Jim Beef Sticks, male Depends, and an unusually large number of charging cords for both Android and iPhones. Schluter is convinced that in the chaos of a UN takeover, smartphone charging cords will become a valuable currency. "Once the Illuminati and UN take over, these cords are going to be worth more than gold," he explained.
Neighbors and local officials are bewildered by Schluter's actions and theories. While some dismiss his claims as harmless eccentricities, others are concerned about the spread of misinformation and the potential for it to cause unnecessary panic or unrest in the community.
The Orinda Police Department and PG&E have reassured the public that the tree trimming activities are routine maintenance and safety measures, unrelated to any international conspiracies. Despite these assurances, Schluter remains vigilant, keeping a close watch on the tree crews and continuing his preparations for what he believes is an impending crisis.